The "farce" of having it all

The chapter on "Alphas in Love," really struck a nerve with me. I was impressed with Kindlon on the information that the Alpha Girls he interviewed are committed to having loving relationships and children. Unlike Alpha Girls of prior generations, or women that wanted to have strong careers, Alpha Girls, according to Kindlon, don't have to choose between having a careers that fulfills them, while at the same time having children and a spouse. Why does there have to be a choice? I came from a two-parent household where both of my parents worked full-time. While my mother was not at home everyday when I got in from school, I don't believe that it lessened my quality of life. I thought it was almost fascinating to the point of upsetting that many of the pool of Alpha Girls wanted strong careers, to get married later, then have children, choosing then to stay at home. While I believe in the concept that women can make decisions about their own lives, and that includes choosing to work or choosing to stay home, I am alienated by how different this all seems from me and my life, and especially the lives of my students. Looking at the faces of my students, grading papers, entering grades, I have predictions of what I think their futures can hold. For my brighter girls, I see college, graduate school, strong careers. I envision lives where they can take care of themselves, growing and becoming members of society that I know will change our world. Would the choice even be open to girls to stay at home? If they did not work, how would they support themselves? Would society believe that they are on welfare? Would my girls have a "responsibility" to the race to work and have a family?

Subtle Sexism in the Classroom

The AAUW report cited in Kindlon's discussion of alpha girls states: "Boys were given higher-quality instruction than girls and were chosen more often to answer questions in front of the class and then given more time to formulate a response(76)." The report concluded that school systematically cheat girls of classroom attention, by emphasizing competition instead of cooperative learning. The statement caused me to question how do my personal biases affect my classroom? What underlying ideas cause teachers to react differently to students?

Reading Alpha Girls has caused me to become more introspective about how my gender biases impact my classroom. In Language Arts, a subject where girls typically excel, I find myself asking my female students to read constantly. My students have noticed that I call on girls more than I call on boys to the extent that I have to purposefully select boy-girl pairs for each task. While it may improve my female students' self confidence, I am well aware that it may make the boys in my classroom feel unwanted in my classroom. My actions also reinforce stereotypical gender roles in education.

Furthermore, the push to have students succeed individually may also result in gender bias. The report showed that competition amongst students reinforce the boy's ability to succeed, especially in math and science. Girls struggled to feel confident in those subject areas, and the lack of collaborative learning allowed the cycle to continue. With the present encouragement to use collaborative learning versus a group setting are girls excelling more in classrooms? How would using the competition model foster the development of an alpha girl? Is competing in the classroom harmful when a similar model is present in employment settings?

What about the fellas? (Prompt 3)

I was interested to come across a chapter called, "The Descent of Men," with a very silly and unstimulating quote at the top... "There are more girls in college now than guys--which from my point of view is great!" --Sam, 18, freshman at UC Santa Cruz. I cynically began reading this chapter, but stopped when I came across this profoundly interesting quote on page 166:

"Unfortunately, boys don't have the abundance of positive media role models that girls have had in recent years. The hypermasculine male is still very much present on television."

Soon after, Kindlon wrote, "When I speak to audiences about boys' psychology, I often ask parents to try to think of three male characters on television that they would like their son to emulate. Parents are surprised by how difficult this is. Male characters on prime-time television tend to be buffoons, while their female counterparts are increasingly clever and capable."

He is right. I am sitting here now, able to list plenty of positive female role models on television and very few, if any, males. The chapter discusses how men are in the decline in areas of education, wealth, and social status. The lack of positive role models for young men on TV is certainly not helping this cause.

Women are on the rise in areas such as education, wealth and social status, while men are on the decline. Is one a necessary result of the other, or is something greater going on here?

Lydia Gray

"It's important for mothers to recognize that their daughters are psychologically different from them."

Dr. Kindlon wrote the above quote, and it has bothered me long after I read past the page. The premise of this book is based on the new phenomenon of the alpha girl. I don't really believe that the alpha girl is a new phenomenon. Nor do I believe that these alpha girls are polar opposites of their mothers. Kindlon focuses a lot on the way the alpha girl emulates or imitates that actions or characteristics associated with the male. Why does it have to be considered a male characteristic. I think that saying that alpha girls view the world differently from their mothers is not true. Just as progress and inclusion and "tolerance" has progressed all across society, so have progressions in gender relations and achievement. Believing that alpha girls have more a sense of entitlement than their mothers just doesn't gel with me. I see these alpha girls that may not have experienced sexism or have tools in their arsenal to combat it, but they know that sexism exists. I just can't imagine that girls who pride themselves so much on academic success, would turn their noses up at studying the women and the struggles that made their dreams possible. I personally believe the things I believe about what women can do, and what I can do as a female from the example of my mother, grandmother, great-grandmother. While their experiences to some extent were vastly different from mine, and many of their experiences I cannot relate to or really grasp the concept of, I still appreciate what those experiences were able to produce for me. Dr. Kindlon has got it all wrong.

Reading this Book from the Perspective of an Urban Educator (Prompt 2)

I think if I had picked up this book at any other time in my life, I’d find it to be an enjoyable and encouraging read. I’d most likely discuss a few salient points from my readings with friends, recommend it to a few people, set it on my bookshelf, and leave it at that. But now I’m an urban educator, and a large part of my life is spent working with students who live in a culture of poverty. I can’t help but bring these perspectives to my reading and understanding of the book. The result is that despite the many encouraging aspects of this book, it always seems to leave me feeling overwhelmingly discouraged. Now, I can’t just set this book on my shelf; now, it almost haunts me.

The book is clearly targeted towards white, middle-to-upper class females. The targeted demographics in the study make this clear: “There are more private than public schools and, given the demographic realities of independent schools, the affluent and white are overrepresented; approximately 15 percent of the interview sample are non-white” (xvi). Each chapter seems to be filled with encouraging data about a new generation of females and the factors that shape them, only to follow with a short disclaimer that the findings do not apply to minorities or to the poor, whether explicitly stated or not. For instance, chapter two is entirely about the positive role of the father in shaping the alpha girl. It goes unsaid that many (most?) of our own female students grow up without a father in their household. Chapter three discusses the importance of adolescence, as students go through a period of exploration which helps to develop their personalities, only to state that, “the process of becoming an adult and the qualities of autonomy…don’t play themselves out…in our culture in the milieu of poor urban children, many of whom are forced into adult roles at a younger age than their more affluent peers and who may not see themselves as having the luxury to explore their options and find themselves” (73).

I’m only on chapter four, so my feelings may change as I continue to read. But for now, why I am viewing this book from such a negative angle? Is anyone else having this experience? I just seem to spend most of the time thinking… okay, this is great, but how will my students beat the odds?

Lydia

Family Matters

Kindlon's discussion about the influence of family on alpha girls emphasizes the importance of strong adult figures during child development. He states that alpha girls are more likely to talk to their mothers about their future career plans and value their opinion. The role of the mother in the life of alpha girls expands beyond emotional caregiver to career adviser. Additionally, Kindlon highlights how male figures in an alpha girl's life allows her to understand and access characteristics that have been commonly associated with males. The major questions that I had after reading these sections of the book were: Will the alpha girls of today be able to develop the same relationships that helped them succeed? How will the success of the alpha girl impact the development of families?

One of the major characteristics of the alpha girl is the presences of choice. While women are no longer shown the "myth of the inevitable domesticity," they face the challenge of balancing their careers and family life. As Kindlon highlights many of the alpha girls are driven by the need to do well academically and in their careers. While all of these attributes are admirable and women should not be limited in their roles, will society accommodate the needs of the alpha girl? While I believe that it is possible for alpha girls to become strong role models for their daughters, some studies reveal statistics that suggest that women face substantial obstacles. For example, African American women struggle to find same-race partners with similar educational backgrounds. Women may also face the challenge of the trade-off of being available for their child (either through maternity leave or childcare) without detracting from their work. Will these obstacles hinder the alpha girls? Will the family structure pay the price for alpha girls' ambition or will alpha girls carve out a new path for their families?

The future of THESE alpha girls?

As I have been thinking more and more about Kindlon's criteria for an alpha girl, I have thought more and more about the age of the girls that Kindlon studied. I think it is extremely important to recognize that Kindlon's study focuses on some middle and mostly high school subjects. This means that the girls he spoke to still live at home, likely in the community they grew up in, and are likely still largely in a place that is comfortable to them. Furthermore, the majority of them came from relatively comfortable homes and had outstanding academic and extra-curricular opportunities. For many of them, the world is their oyster.

As I think about this, I begin to wonder if this makes these girls less aware of the reality of their goals. Do they really have an understanding of how hard it can be for a woman in some of the conditions they aspire to? Are they really prepared for the obstacles that might come their way? In no way do I mean to imply that woman should be limited by society's existing obstacles, but I do recognize that in some circumstances, these obstacles can make what may seem like an exciting, interesting and fun career into an unpleasant experience that, respectfully, even motivated, passionate people are unwilling to suffer through.

I wonder what would happen if Kindlon were to follow these "alpha girls" through college and into their twenties and thirties. I do not doubt that their determination, motivation and dedication would remain but how would their career goals change? Would they still tend toward the more high profile careers? I doubt that their confidence in their own abilities would diminish, but, as an adult, would they be willing to commit to the ambitious, and likely time professionally time consuming and demanding goals that they set out for themselves? What about families? A lot of the girls didn't really prioritize a family in their future but how might this change as they mature?

I'm interested to hear some thoughts!